Cancer’s ultimate destiny is to create a safe and nurturing home. Finding the right person to do it with is the big question, but one Cancer isn’t necessarily looking to answer right away. Scuttling around the beach in their protective shell, Cancer dances from side to side. The crab meets many people during their life’s journey, and they’re not in a total rush to settle down, because when they do, they want it to work. They are the first sign of summer, making them a cardinal sign, but unlike cardinal Aries, who is the first sign of spring, Cancer is not impulsive.
Whether it’s the family they were born into or the one they choose for themself, family is very important to Cancer. A Cancer in love treats their partner with the same respect, care, humor, tenderness, and honesty that they would with their family, and they expect the same in return.
Their disposition can swing, but if you’re in sync with them, it’s something you’ll learn to accept and get used to. They may be quiet all day, and then burst into chatter at night after the lights have been turned off—sharing a funny joke while holding you in bed. Or your crab lover may have been playful and in a creative zone all day before becoming more reserved or emotional later on.
Because Cancer is ruled by the always changing Moon, your first impression of the crab will probably depend on what day it is. Sometimes more outgoing, other times more reserved, they can be wacky and playful one moment and then serious and focused the next. They can be the coldest or kindest person you have ever met. That said, they will always exude a protective aura around themself and their loved ones.
Even the most scientifically minded Cancer is intuitive and highly creative. Cancers are typically fashionable, and even if they don’t care for clothes, they often run with people who do. It’s not unusual to meet a crab whose outfit consists of a vintage piece from abroad, a designer piece from an ex, and a hand-knit item from their mom.
On that note, have you noticed I haven’t mentioned mom at all in Cancer’s chapter? Cancer’s so-called obsession with their momma is an overdone trope, but mother is an important part of Cancer’s life—or at least an important aspect of the archetype of this sign. Understanding their relationship, or lack of relationship, with their mother is important to understanding them.
True to the crab’s side-to-side shuffle, they don’t like confrontation. Sure, they have their bold moments when they’ll boisterously ask you out, but they may become shy the next time you see them. Generally, they like a slow buildup to occur between themself and those they have set their sights on. Not only does it give them a chance to make sure that the object of their affection is cool, sane, and sexy, but the anticipation is also a turn-on for them.
It’s okay to be a bit aloof and reserved with your crab. They might be shy, but they genuinely love the chase and are surprisingly dominant, considering the homemaker reputation they’ve developed by being so sweet. They are attracted to hard workers who are reliable and practical and have lived full lives brimming with excitement and joy after overcoming hardships. A dry sense of humor doesn’t hurt! And having a secret naughty side is especially enticing.
If you missed your chance to flirt with a Cancer in the past, don’t worry! You’ll likely get your shot again if you run into them some other time. They’re very nostalgic—even if it’s only been six months since you’ve seen them, they’ll want to know if you still talk to so-and-so or still visit the same places, giving you an opportunity to ask for the date you hadn’t been able to propose before!
They might think they are picky, but once they fall in love (or lust) with someone, it will usually be because of how they made them feel, not totally because of how they look; however, style is certainly very important to them: a polished, grown-up, tailored look is likely to do the trick.
Even the flashiest Cancer has a very frugal side, and often they would rather go to a market with their date, buy some groceries, and cook at home together than go out to a restaurant for dinner. This is also in alignment with their homebody selves. Cancers love their homes, so spend time with them at their place. A beautiful breakfast the morning after a date is a key romantic gesture for Cancer, likely even more important than the date itself!
But sweet, homemaker Cancer has a surprising side to their personality. They love the occult, and they’re not afraid of graveyards. Ask them to go someplace a bit scary—maybe a walk through the local cemetery or by a so-called haunted house. Bonus points if it’s a rainy day, so you can snuggle under the umbrella. They also love sex and won’t shy away from a sex party, so if one comes up, invite your partner!
If you are dating the rare Cancer who is freaked out by either suggestion (anything is possible with the changeable crab!), carving out quality time for a heart-to-heart talk about the past, the future, and all your feelings is never a bad idea. Have a box of tissues close by in case one of you starts crying.
Moody Cancer needs a lot of personal space, but then again, they really need you to be there. I would tell you it all depends on the Moon, but I don’t want to remove your responsibility to communicate with them or their responsibility to communicate with you. Never blame boundary issues on astrology!
Cancers are very cautious about who they settle down with. Family is important to them, and whomever they settle down with will need to fit in. You need to prove yourself—mostly that you’re not a hasty idiot who blindly falls into trouble. Cancers need security. They also need to be with someone who has a dark sense of humor and knows how to have a good time—without anyone getting into trouble with the police, or at least getting caught.
Whether the crab is in a polyamorous or a monogamous relationship, it is crucial to them that they don’t feel used, and that the energy they put forth is appreciated.
If you have your sights set on a Cancer, there could still be an ex or a friend with benefits hanging around. Between their heavy nostalgia and their sometimes phobia of cleanly breaking things off with people, this can be an issue. But not always! Maturity level is obviously a factor here, so check in with yourself and your partner. Have an honest discussion about your boundaries and your needs so they can decide whether or not they want to say goodbye to the past to pursue a future with you . . . and, hey, if you do “move on” and end the relationship, realize that you might now become the “old love” they are nostalgic for!